


all my hours for you

by watergator



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 07:08:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13382733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watergator/pseuds/watergator
Summary: dan leaves with his phone on silent, so phil waits for him to come home





	all my hours for you

There’s a long, dull tone, that seems to ring for a couple of seconds before it clicks off, and after a small while of silence, an automated voice speaks up in a robotic tone,

  
“The number you have dialled is currently unavailable.”  
  
But before the voice can continue or give out any other options, Phil is hanging up with a sigh.  
  
This isn’t new.  
  
It’s currently 3pm and Phil counts back the hours from when he’d seen Dan, and he figures he’d probably left early this morning, around 7am – so that was a total of eight hours.  
  
Eight long hours.  
  
There’s not much he can really do. It’s cold outside, and even though there’s a tugging in his chest to grab his coat and run out the door and somehow find him, but this is all too familiar. He knows he’ll come back; he always does.  
  
Eight hours is a lot. In that time Phil has gotten up, had a shower, got ready, had breakfast, watched some Netflix, had lunch, watched some of the gaming videos back purely for the fun of it, answered some emails, drafted up a few ideas for a new video and started thinking about dinner.  
  
And left exactly 5 texts and thirteen calls on Dan’s phone. A phone that was most likely dead, on silent, or discarded in the apartment somewhere left on vibrate.  
But even though Phil knows his efforts are pointless, he knows that even if Dan did have his phone on him, it unlikely for him to answer.  
  
But it’s reassuring for Phil.  
  
He sets his phone down on the kitchen counter with a defeated sigh, and decides to pass the time with a snack.  
He rips open his second packet of crisps of the day and throws one into his mouth, his mind wandering.  
  
This isn’t new, but it hasn’t been happening for a while, a long time in fact.  
This isn’t new, but it’s been so, so much worse.  
  
There would be days in Manchester where Dan would leave as early in the morning and not come back until the sun was rising the next day. And Phil would hate that; the thought of a small, sad Dan wondering around the streets of Manchester all day, cold and alone.  
It was those days where Phil would try and run after him, searching all day, only to come home to find a very sorry looking Dan already home.  
  
So he knows that Dan needs his space. He knows he needs to be here. He needs to be here for when Dan comes home.  
  
This isn’t new, but he’s doing so, _so_ much better.  
  
He’s being weaned off his antidepressants by his doctors, it’s too dangerous for his health to come off at once, as they already know, so his dosage is getting smaller and smaller, and Phil can’t wait for him.  
He’s changed his therapy sessions from once a week to now once a month, and even though it’s scary, it’s happening, and he can tell Dan is happy about it. And that makes Phil happy.  
  
He makes himself a mug of coffee because he feels a chill in his bones, and he hopes he’s not getting sick, and by the time he’s finished off his crisps, his coffee is ready, so he sits at the table, flipping over his phone in a tiny act of desperation of signs of his boyfriend.  
  
Of course there isn’t, but Phil is allowed to care and worry. It’s second nature to him, he doesn’t even think he won’t stop worrying about Dan. He’s just too much in love with him.  
  
He sips slowly on his coffee.  
A lot of good things are happening for Dan. A lot of hopeful, happy things, but he knows he has to be prepared for the bad things still, it all part of it.  
And he knows Dan is learning to understand that too.  
  
It’s like when he was first put on antidepressants. He remembers a tearful Dan standing, hunched in the hallway under the dim, broken light, clutching the small yellow box of pills with a watery cry,  
“They’re not even fucking working – I though these would fix me”  
  
And they had to learn and understand that they weren’t supposed to ‘fix’ him. That it wasn’t a black and white situation, that when Dan came back crying from his second therapy session, about how much he hated going, and that it didn’t and wouldn’t work, that not every therapist was the same.  
  
It took a long time, but Phil didn’t really want to get off the ride, no matter how many Dan wanted to.  
He was in this for the long run.  
  
He’s halfway through his coffee, and he peers into his cup before grabbing his phone again and heading to the couch, just to watch some TV to pass the time.  
Netflix is still paused on the screen from earlier, and there’s a cruel thought in his head about maybe watching some of the episodes of his and Dan’s new show they’ve been watching, but he’s not that cruel, so he decides to wait for Dan to get back and finds something else to watch instead.  
  
He unlocks his phone back to texts, and types out a quick message as the movie starts,  
  
**Phil** : love you <3  
  
and then once it’s sent, he lets is drop back onto the sofa and gives the movie that’s started playing his full attention whilst taking another sip of his coffee, letting it warm his cold bones.  
  
By the time the credits roll up an hour and a half later, Phil’s made another cup of coffee, despite feeling sleepy, but there’s a rumble in his stomach that he knows a third packet of crisps won’t satisfy, so he hauls himself off the sofa to the kitchen.  
  
They only seem to have enough food to scrape up a real meal of pasta bake, so Phil throws a load of pasta shells into a boiling pot of water and cuts up some bacon bits.  
He’s not sure Dan will eat once he comes home, but he always knows to make him enough for lunch the next day.  
It’s only a small meal but within twenty minutes, he’s done, so he sits alone at their kitchen table and hurriedly eats his food in hunger, glancing at his phone again, to see a blank screen still.  
  
He sends out another text for good measure,  
  
**Phil** : made you dinner, come home? love you always x  
  
He clears his plate and does some washing up, and scrolls through Tumblr and Twitter, but gets bored easily, it’s been a long day and he can feel a migraine start to slowly thud against the inside of his skull, so he retreats to their room to slip out of his skinny jeans to crawl into bed.  
  
He’s already taken his contacts out, since he’s been wearing his glasses all day, so he takes them off, but checks his phone one more time before he’s turning off the light, since he can feel his headache grow a little, but he smiles when he sees something flash up on his screen,  
  
**Dan** : on my way home. love u too. im sorry.  
  
And even though Phil knew that Dan was okay, that he would come back, there’s that airy feeling in his chest as if a huge rock had been lifted from there. He can’t really help it.  
  
**Phil** : love you more. pasta bake is in fridge in green tub i’m going to bed, try and eat some? x  
  
**Dan** : sure.  
  
Phil lets himself fall back against the soft pillows, letting them engulf and absorb his headache as he rests his phone on the nightstand, not having the energy to plug it in and charge it, and with the thoughts of Dan and pasta bake and his head a little less heavy, he lets himself fall asleep.  
  
He’s woken up, what he can guess, two hours later, when he feels a body slide up against him, cold bare feet pressing up against his shins, and it’s not often that Phil is the big spoon, but he’s too tired to complain or even open his eyes, so he nuzzles into the back of his neck and he smells like warm and a faint smell of pasta, and he’s pressing a warm kiss against the cool skin there, he hears Dan murmur something, sounding as tired and Phil feels,  
  
“Love you,” is what Phil manages to hear, and before Phil is falling asleep too, he whispers back,  
  
“Love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> hey hope you enjoyed !! i just kinda wanted to write this to get some of my own thoughts and feelings out so i guess this happened lol
> 
> if you enjoyed this fic please leave a kudos or even better, leave me a comment !!
> 
> thanks love u


End file.
